why-validation-is-important

Sticks & Stones

Soul
Searching

By Stanley Abell

See the hands that build
Can also pull down
The hands of love 

Exit ~U2

Remember the old adage “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” I don’t know that I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the validity of this statement one way or the other… until recently.

Last week I saw this short documentary titled “Validation,” which is a film about the impact our words and how we use them has to empower, affirm and validate people… or, not.

The film’s unlikely hero is a parking lot attendant who not only validates parking tickets, through is words, he validates the people who hold the tickets. Pretty soon people are clamoring to be in his line for validation. “Mam, you have lovely cheek bones. Sir, that is a great suit for you, wow! You have the most lovely smile.”

In the film, people’s days, weeks and lives are transformed (validated) through the power of the parking attendant’s words. This is the upside of the story… words of affirmation and validation can uplift and transform.

The dark, underbelly of this story is from a post I read on Facebook Monday. Words of belittlement and hate can tear down… and kill. Someone had reposted a story by Rachel Held Evans titled “Marc Driscoll is a bully. Stand up to him.” We posted this story yesterday… you commented.

Words, indeed, have great power. My favorite Irish poet puts it this way lyrically, “See the hands that build can also pull down… the hands of love.” There are many discussion points here; however, I’d like to stay (for once in my life) focused, and keep the conversation between the ditches. We could debate about homosexuality. We could debate on the differences between Progressive and Evangelical view points on Biblical truth. We could.

We are, though, going to focus on language. Mark Driscoll purportedly represents “the hands of love (Christ).” Driscoll is the preaching pastor of Mars Hill Church, which has a huge physical and virtual following. Honestly, I don’t know squat about Mark Driscoll or his church, so I can’t and won’t pretend to speak on his theological views, which have been noted as aligning in the Evangelical camp (*see “What we could debate about” above).

Again, I want to focus on language. A man who claims to be a representative of the hands and voice of love, apparently, frequently, uses language that anything but offers a message of unconditional love, hope and compassion. Again, I don’t know anything about his past, only his present:

I’m not sure exactly what book of the Bible this comes from? I only looked for it in the New Testament. Perhaps it could be found somewhere in the Wisdom Books of the Old Testament? Oh no, wait, I know where I’ve heard it before… It was in the locker room during my 8th grade year of junior high. However, anymore, even boys in junior high have enough sense to know these kinds of childish antics aren’t acceptable.

“Effeminately anatomically male worship leader.” Really? Seriously? It is this kind of seemingly benign language that gave permission to torture, beat and kill Matthew Shepard. It is this kind of language I have hear followers of Driscoll dismiss as no big deal and overblow as long as he is theologically on-point.

My tradition, The United Methodist Church, is bi-polar with our official language regarding homosexuality. In our Book of Discipline we say on one hand homosexuality is “incompatible with Christian teaching.” On the other hand we say, “Homosexuals are people of sacred worth” (*see “What we could debate about” above).

Here’s my deal… How on earth can one proclaim love in one’s heart and spew hate with one’s mouth. If there is anything on the planet incompatible with Christian teaching THAT is it. We teach our children not to verbally bully. Was Pastor Driscoll absent at school that day?

BTW… While even though I didn’t look through the Old Testament for the pastor’s words, I did happen to remember this old proverb… “Sharp words cut like a sword, but words of wisdom heal.” Proverbs 12:18 (The Message)

Sticks and stones…. words. The words of our mouth are the songs of our heart. What song are we singing?

Stanley

About Stanley Abell

Stan Abell is the head honcho for The Bluevine Collective. On Sunday mornings you will find him pastoring The Garden at Oak Hill in Indianapolis, IN, which is one of the coolest non-traditional church experiences around . . . and not just because Stan is there. Stan earned his Master of Divinity from Christian Theological Seminary. He also has a degree in education from Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis, which he put to good use teaching high school history for 10 years. He also has an undergraduate degree in journalism from the University of Kentucky. Stan has traveled extensively in developing countries and has a passion for social justice and economic equality issues. Stan’s musical nirvana came in the summer of 2009 when he traveled to Dublin, Ireland to see U2. He is quite certain that Bono has a reciprocal mention of this seminal event in his bio as well.

  • http://www.twitter.com/sssemester Scott

    “How on earth can one proclaim love in one’s heart and spew hate with one’s mouth.” Are you talking about Mark Driscoll’s language or The UMC Book of Discipline’s language there? From my perspective, this question applies to both.

    Look, nobody on “our side” thinks what Mark Driscoll said was anything other than ignorant, offensive, and wrong. My point in the comments section of Matt’s post (http://www.thebluevinecollective.org/2011/07/12/on-mark-driscoll/) is that I believe we are called to respond in a way that includes more than preaching-to-the-choir blog posts. “Can you believe this idiot?!” we cry, to affirming cybershouts of “Yeah, what a jerk and a bully! I AM OUTRAGED!” But where does that get us?

    I believe the way to respond to ignorance is with education. I believe the way to respond to offense is with forgiveness. And I believe the way to respond to hate is with love. Of course, I don’t always (read: “almost never”) get that right in my own life, but I still feel called to look to God’s standard for us.

    In my opinion, unless our message of inclusive love is louder and stronger and more widespread than his message of divisive hate, every blog post that condemns him simply adds to the darkness. So, now that we’re all on record as being opposed to Mark Driscoll’s offensive, insensitive, inappropriate language, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

  • Carah Kennedy

    I heard this somewhere… “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart.”

  • http://www.thebluevinecollective.org Stanley

    The same Jesus who said “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God,” the same Jesus who said, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek,” also shortly upon entering the city of Jerusalem, “went straight to the Temple and threw out everyone who had set up shop, buying and selling. He kicked over the tables of loan sharks and the stalls of dove merchants.”

    In short, in a very human response of disgust, Jesus responded viscerally to the merchants and money changers profaning the holy space of the Temple. He rebuked the priests for tolerating it.

    I see “our side’s” initial outrage at Mark Driscoll no differently. So disgusted with what they experienced when they walked into the cyber temple, many folk decided to kick over the tables with keystrokes.

    Ultimately love will prevail. It is my most fervent hope and prayer that forgiveness and grace is real, because, boy, do *I* need it. Nonetheless, honestly, I’m proud of the courage that it took for several Facebook friends to post their outrage at this guy. The prevailing voice that has tolerated this kind of language, if not outright supported it, has had such a stranglehold of fear and control on this conversation for so long that those who think differently have been intimidated into to silence.

    My guess would be Jesus was probably disappointed with himself as turned on his heel and left the city for Bethany. “Wow, kind of lost it on that one… lesson learned.” Nonetheless, it had its effect.

    Now the tables are kicked over, it is clear many folk won’t tolerate this kind of non-sense. It
    is clear, yes, our own house needs to be put in order. Now… now that the air is cleared, and we are clear we have common allies who seek justice, love, peace and compassion…

    WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?